Goals, are you there?

It’s one of those nights where I know I need to sleep, but I can’t. My eyes are going to drop out of my head if I don’t close them soon. But hey, that’s why I took Mavis Beacon, I don’t really need to see the screen.

I guess so much — and simultaneously, nothing at all — has been going on lately (reminds me of the quote from MST3K that goes, “it is everything…and nothing!” to which one of the riffers asks, “could you be a little more specific?”…yeah, I’m getting off-track already) that I feel like my mind has either been overloaded or completely devoid of anything to say. So right now I’m staring at a dim screen, listening to the rain tap the ground outside, and wondering what to put here, bcause I haven’t posted anything in a while and the last few posts have been pretty uninspired. I haven’t done much writing lately (aside from journaling of course). So there goes another goal sheet to the trash can. At the prompting of a writing book that I once worked with every day, I sent myself an e-card about a month and a half ago and scheduled it to arrive on June 1 to congratulate me on the completion of my novel. *cough* Come June 1, I won’t be anywhere near my inbox…

I can’t figure out what it is that keeps me from reaching my goals. Yet at the same time, it seems totally obvious: it’s me. I’ve read so many books that deal with writing and creativity and what have you, but ultimately, it’s my choice as to whether I actually sit down and press the words from my mind. A while back I wondered if I was afraid of succeeding. Maybe I am. I don’t know. I think I expect every writing session to go really well and for me to love what I write, and when that doesn’t happen, well, forget that story. (I literally have boxes of unfinished stories, and a slew of their digital cousins on my hard drive.) So it makes me wonder, is getting published really a goal of mine? Because wouldn’t I work harder if it were?

Maybe I should come up with some seemingly unreachable goal and post it here instead of on a piece of paper clipped to a magnet above my desk.

Maybe I’ll go to sleep first.